playing for the other team

Serendipity brought me to the lakehouse, 

the white noise of 

you’ve never been on a boat before?

asked by all white faces

flooding the windshield of my brain, 

the hot memories of being unable to

assimilate like pebbles cracking glass. 

no, I say shyly.

this is my first time. 

let’s make it count then, says the white man.

I feel the Illinois sunset on my shoulders 

as the warm lake water coats my skin.

I have never felt lake water this warm. 

do they heat it?

can rich people heat lakes?

maybe money doesn’t buy happiness, 

but it buys you experiences

and it buys you freedom from financial stress,

and if you are poor, 

you know that means happiness.  

this all seems like a dream too good to be true, 

and when I see the MAGA flags on the dock, I 

remember that it is.

I sip a tiny jose cuervo that the white man owns

and eat hors d'oeuvres that the white man bought

while sitting at the driver’s seat of a boat

everyone calls “pontoon”.  

I look out at the families and they are all laughing.

their bellies are full.

I fantasize about buying my dad a house out on the lake

like he’s always wanted.  

where he could fish--

where he could be away from people--

close to peace. 

I think about our townhouse in Denver, 

the small concrete backyard, 

how he deserves so much more.  

then I remember his house in Bosnia--

how it is just ash and foundation now,

aftermath of ethnic arson--

how impressive it is that he owns a house

in America, 

how ungrateful his daughter must be 

to know everything he has 

and still not think it enough.  

I am on the jet ski, 

and I think about a life

where I am the white man. 

where all the tiny jose cuervos are mine.

I am the one who owns the boat called pontoon.

It feels so good 

to be a 

proud 

boy. 

Yovana Milosevic (she/her) is a Serbian-Romani-American poet from Denver, Colorado. Yovana holds a bachelor's degree in English-Writing, and her poetry focuses on the intersections of immigration, feminism, bodily autonomy, and the consequences of its absence. She currently lives in Denver and loves spending time going on walks with her dog, Luna.